Support in Case of Conflicts
If you're having difficulties or conflict in your local group, XR has a team that can support. But before conflict arises, its a really good idea for Local Groups to have a Group Agreement, to develop healthy ways of working together. This is part of our Regenerative Culture.
Group Agreements
Why do we need group agreements?
Group agreements are about understanding each other’s values around working, how you’d like to work together as a team and agreeing on things you can hold each other to.
Group agreements can be more or less formal, depending on what the group wants and needs. The most effective group agreements are ones written by the group themselves, not just copied from a template.
Remember, if your group agreement isn't working, you can change it!
Brainstorming Your Agreements
What’s important to you about the way this group works together? What agreements would you need to make this team a safe and respectful place for us to work in?
- It's important that everyone agrees with the elements of the agreement. If some people don't agree, you're setting the agreement up to be unsuccessful in its purpose.
- Try to make them practical.
- You may want to use the XRUK Ways of Working document to provide inspiration. But group agreements for local groups benefit from being simpler than this- that way everyone can remember the elements!
- Take for example "it's alright to disagree" - how would this work practically? You could add "... by challenging what a person says, not criticising the person themselves."
- Another example is Confidentiality. This is also quite vague and you will need to discuss what people understand by it and what level of confidentiality they expect from the group.
- The agreement should be diplayed at future meetings and explained to new members of the group.
Template agreement 1 - from Regenerative Cultures Circle
- Aim to make this a safe-enough space: what may feel safe for one person may not be for another. We come with different experiences.
- Time: please be mindful of allowing everyone equal opportunity to be heard, and please share time keeping or keep time for others in break out rooms.
- Respecting difference: Please use ‘I’ statements, and hold curiosity about your reactions. Please listen and be heard openly, to learn and experience together.
- Confidentiality: everything shared in session remains here. The ‘essence’ can be shared with others, but not attached to individuals, you are free to share your own learning and reflections, as long as respect confidentiality
- Invitational: All aspects invitational. If you don’t want to, or it feels difficult for you to participate in a session, you can opt out. If you need to take a break, or leave the call for a moment to self-regulate, stretch, journal, please send a message to one of the facilitators.
- Emotions: Please be aware we all respond differently to our own and others emotions, try not to take another's response personally.
- Intersectional: recognising that we come with different oppressions, and wounds from different experiences of marginalisation. Some of these may be aroused at different and sometimes unexpected times.
Template agreement 2 - from XR Birmingham
- Respect everyone and their opinion
- Speak Slowly
- Consider Structural power in your group
- Use I statements
- Aim not offend or intimidate in language or behaviour
- W A I T (Why Am I Talking?) [this means thinking through why you're speaking before you come in, and don't use the groups time repeating what has already been said]
- Use hand signals when relevant
- Work towards openness and honesty
- Slow your yes, and say no
- Work on appreciation of yourself and others
- Be conscious of time
- Be relatively agenda Free [as in not coming into the meeting with your own agenda, not having a meeting with no agenda-d items]
- Take responsibility for how we work as a group
- Be willing to give and receive feedback in a non-judgemental way
- Confidentiality is important
When you need more support
If conflict in your group has gone beyond what you can deal with yourselves and cannot be handled by your group agreement, your Regional or National team or the Transformative Conflicts Team may be able to help.
To find contact details for your Region or Nation, click on the large hourglass in your area on the Local Groups Map.
To request support from Transformative Conflicts, email HealthyTeams@proton.me